Offended by bugs

Bugs are … many things. Obnoxious to deal with, for sure is chief among many. But talking today with mom, she’s downright offended by their presence. Not to say they are offensive in terms of being hard to deal with; that meaning of offense is appropriate. I mean in the how dare they kind of way.

Hm..

I’d equate (conflate?) this with all kinds of in appropriate expectations. Like when people are offended by other people’s fast driving or being cut off.

Unreasonable? No. Here’s why.

Offend is a verb. It’s an action. And like the proverbial tree in the woods, if there’s no one to offend, there’s no offense. (Yes, I’m skipping offense outside the definition of person to person offense; don’t get me on a technicality.*) Except here, it’s more interesting. Take an example:

Briefest scenario:
Bob and Janet are strangers. Eating alone. Adjacent tables in a cafe.

Bob: Your shoes … are horrible.
Janet: (offended) words words words.

Was Bob offensive?

Was I offensive by saying ‘words words words’ as though Janet’s feelings are unimportant?

Bob was… rude. Bob was… in appropriate maybe. Was he offensive?
Although it’s our choice to be offended or not, no one would blame Janet for being offended. Bob’s a jerk almost definitely. This is text, not a movie, so I noted her offense parenthetically. In context of this post, her response is less important than the taking offense.

So, what… I’m saying Janet should just not be offended?

Kinda, yeah. It might not be easy, but Bob isn’t important to her, so why care? Tribe logic? Because it behooves us to care about what others think, historically and for good reason - we don’t want to be an outcast and die without the tribe? Meh. Historically true, maybe. But it’s time to evolve.

You already thought of other ways Janet could respond:
Teenager: Your face is horrible
Janet, after a really bad week: Really? Whatevs.
Janet, after a fantastic morning: These shoes, and the rest of me and my stuff, just killed a presentation and got me a promotion.
Janet, after meditation: I wonder what’s wrong with him? Could I help? He’s clearly in distress to insult the shoes of a stranger. (Looks at shoes.) Especially these badass kicks.
Janet, the vet that isn’t shocked by anything, ever: Smiles flirtatiously just to mess with his head. (Bonus: Instant control of self and dismantling of jerk in record time and without aggression)

So. Yes. I am saying just don’t be offended. But the parenthetical caveat after that is most important. What’s the follow-on caveat to just don’t be offended that makes it reasonable for you?